My own understanding of Love is informed by both Psychiatry and Middle-Eastern philosophy. I will share my understanding here and hope that it resonates with you.
Summary:
- You are worthy of Love.
- You have always been wholly and completely loved. Sometimes, our parents may have things that block the flow of love (hate parts of themselves, link self-worth to overworking, think that love can only be expressed by certain people) and so struggle to show love to those parts of us. However, just because they struggle to allow Love to flow, does not mean that you were not loved. You were loved; the problem was with the expression
- Boundaries are essential if someone is unable to love themselves
- Safety is essential to Love
In my work, this is the definition I use:
Short version: Love is when we truly see ourselves and each other with admiration, and see our whole world with gentle kindness.
Full version: Love is the gentle, steady, intentional practice of seeing fully: ourselves and others. It is the pleasurable, wonderful, difficult process towards becoming our full Self and supporting others to become their full, authentic, true Self. It involves meeting our Parts and other People’s internal systems with compassion, admiration, and care. For love to be whole, it must encompass all, as everyone and everything is a part of us. Love must encompass parts of ourselves, loved ones, family, our community, our bodies, the Earth, and our world.
In psychiatric language, love is what helps us transcend the burdens and fears of our Ego, or burdened parts within us.
Cultural wisdom:
This idea of love reflects the divine unity ideas in many Abrahamic religions, as well as the connection between human beings across other spiritual traditions.
Many cultures, religions and ancient human wisdom inform us that God is Love. It’s nice to sit in the awe and humility that this idea brings. If God is Love, then we can never fully grasp what Love or God are. We can know what they might be and what they are not, but the full wonder and magic of the feeling will be difficult to capture in words and will always be more incredible than we can articulate.
We also use the image of love as a garden. A garden requires attention, care, knowledge, and is something that can be inherited by our children.
Love is Experiential
Like exercise or healthy eating, being able to love truly and openly requires research, self-reflection and intentional effort.
These resources can explain what love might be, but the real learning is experiential. Love must be somatically experienced with our children, our parents, God or any loved ones.
Words and learning are an important start, but they remain just a start.