Love is core to mental and physical health
I am deeply passionate about caring for my patients’ health holistically.
Health is not only about blood tests, medications, diagnoses, nutrition, or exercise. Any meaningful conversation about health must begin with love.
One of the longest-running scientific studies ever conducted on human wellbeing — the Harvard Study of Adult Development — has followed people across more than 85 years of life. The study found that the quality of love in our lives is one of the strongest predictors of happiness, mental wellbeing, physical health, and even longevity. People with warm, connected, supportive relationships were found to be healthier, happier, and to live longer lives than those who experienced loneliness or relational conflict. This does not apply in only romantic relationships. Love received from children, caring for parents, friends and other relationships also fulfilled people’s love needs and protected their physical and mental health.
Dr Robert Waldinger, the current director of the study, summarised the findings simply: “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”
The research showed that loving relationships do not only affect emotions; they affect the body itself. Human connection influences stress, heart health, brain function, resilience, and overall wellbeing. Loneliness and chronic disconnection, on the other hand, are associated with poorer mental and physical health outcomes.
Love is therefore not a “soft” or secondary topic in healthcare. It is foundational to human flourishing. The way we are cared for, spoken to, held, nurtured, and connected to from the beginning of life shapes our nervous systems, our sense of self, our relationships, and our health across the lifespan.
This is why love sits at the centre of my philosophy of care for my patients – children, adolescents, adults, grandparents – love is essential for all.
Our society teaches us Love incorrectly
Bell Hooks is an incredible African-American philosopher who wrote about Love. She argued that many of us grow up in cultures and families where harmful behaviours are called love, so if we never consciously examine what love actually is, we unconsciously repeat patterns of domination, neglect, dishonesty, or emotional withdrawal while still believing we are loving.
In “All About Love”, she reflects that love is not merely a feeling that happens automatically. It is an action and an ethical practice involving care, commitment, trust, responsibility, respect, and knowledge. Because of this, she believed we must think deeply about love. Otherwise, we confuse intense emotion with genuine loving behaviour.
She would likely say that human beings have the capacity for love naturally, especially children, but loving well is not automatic in a wounded society. Patriarchy, trauma, capitalism, racism, and domination distort our understanding of love. So conscious reflection becomes necessary not because love is unnatural, but because our cultures teach us distorted versions of it.
A central idea in her work is that love is a verb as much as a feeling. You do not simply fall into love; you repeatedly choose practices that nurture another person’s spiritual growth and your own.
Love Wounds
In my work as a doctor, I have seen that many individuals and families carry deep intergenerational trauma. Parents often love their children profoundly, yet may struggle to express that love openly, safely, and unconditionally because of what they themselves have endured.
Even the best parents remain human and would not be able to fully, unconditionally love in every moment of every day.
Emotional neglect, rigid gender roles, intergenerational parenting patterns, shame about emotional expression, war, displacement, refugee journeys, poverty, self-hate, boarding schools, illness, violence, and survival-based parenting patterns can all limit a person’s ability to give and receive love freely.
All of us are loved. However, most of us were not shown the tenderness, emotional safety, affection, repair, or unconditional acceptance in our childhoods that we need for full wellbeing.
This does not mean we were not loved. It means that trauma can interrupt the expression of love.
Healing these patterns requires insight, courage, and intentional work. Across my clinic rooms, our online communities, and Rahma Health’s global work, I see a generation committed to breaking these cycles. People are choosing to parent differently, partner differently, and relate differently. They are choosing openness over fear, emotional safety over shame, and love over domination.
Every human being deserves to experience love that is safe, authentic, emotionally present, and unconditional.
Intergenerational healing is the work of allowing that love to flow more freely—towards ourselves, our children, and each other.